Mine to Lose Page 2

  ~Ryan (guy in the Jeep)

  I didn’t even think to leave my name or number, the only thought I had was, there is a guy, he’s hot, and I’m going to tell him. Yet, there I stood with a note in my hand from said guy, realizing he had placed the ball in my court. I looked around to see if he was still there somewhere, but he wasn’t, and butterflies instantly filled my stomach. The huge grin that spread across my face could not be contained and all I could think about was how I was going to proceed. Do I call him? When do I call him? Does he really want me to call him?

  I spent the afternoon mulling over my next step, and I decided to talk to Joss to get her opinion. Of course, she informed me that I needed to wait the obligatory three days before calling him so that I didn’t appear too eager. However, I was eager. I tucked the number away somewhere safe so I wouldn’t slip up and call. School kept me distracted and soon assignments and studying had me so busy that three days turned to four. Before I knew it, a week had passed and I had lost his number. I turned my room inside out trying to find it, with no luck. I could have kicked my own ass. Why didn’t I leave it somewhere obvious? I had finally gotten up the nerve to approach a really hot guy, and I no longer had any way to contact him.

  I realized there must be some reason I had lost his number, so I just had to suck it up and stop worrying about it. Even though I told myself that, I would still get butterflies when I saw him walking across campus. It wasn’t often, but when I did, I would notice the confident strides he took as he walked toward wherever he was going.

  He never walked with anyone, especially any girls, so I held out hope that maybe he was still single. Something about him drew me in every time, and I would just stare until he was no longer visible. Joss caught me gawking one day. “Creeper.”

  “Where?” I asked, snapped out of my daze. I started looking around to see whom she was talking about.

  “Next to me,” she whispered conspiratorially. I tried looking past her, and she widened her eyes until it clicked that she was referring to me. I gave her a playful shove and she laughed at me. “Why don’t you just go talk to him? Tell him you lost his number.”

  “Yeah, and why don’t I look pathetic in the process,” I said under my breath.

  “You don’t think you look pathetic right now?” she pointed out with a teasing laugh, as only Joss would do.

  “I’m late, I gotta get to class.” I grabbed my bag from the ground and headed off before my best friend could say any more about it.

  * * *

  It wasn’t until two weeks later, when Joss was dragging me to some kegger at her boyfriend’s frat house that I got my chance to see him again. I didn’t want to go, but she begged, and I could never turn her down.

  “What am I supposed to wear?” I asked.

  “Just wear jeans. It’s nothing special. We’re just gonna hang out and drink all night.” She smiled mischievously.

  With her instructions in mind, I grabbed my worn out jeans that were faded and ripped at the ankles. They were a little long on my five foot seven frame, but they fit perfect everywhere else. I figured a t-shirt would be more than fitting for an outside thing, so I pulled on a concert tee from the previous year, pulled my wavy blonde hair into a loose bun and told her I was ready to go. When we got out to the field, the crisp night breeze and the smell of smoke in the distance from the tiny fire filled the air and I was glad I brought a sweatshirt.

  Joss went to go find her boyfriend, Mason, and left me to fend for myself. I knew most of the people there, anyway, so I wasn’t uncomfortable. I made the rounds saying hello to everyone, and that’s when I spotted Ryan, in his Jeep, again. He looked like he would rather be any place but that field and I was strangely offended by that idea. I laughed to myself because, even though I didn’t know the guy, I wanted to know him. That was enough to propel me to do the second craziest thing I had ever done.

  Since I was the designated driver that night, I didn’t get a shot of liquid courage to help me out. It had been two weeks since I left that note on his Jeep, and I still thought about him. I knew that I would regret it if I didn’t take advantage of him being alone, so I hopped into Joss’ pickup to check my makeup in the visor. I gave myself a mental pep talk and when I had myself fooled, walked toward him. I radiated confidence, which I really didn’t have, and looked directly at him as I approached.

  I watched him playing with his phone, the screen making his face glow when he glanced up for a moment. I was unsure if he had noticed me walking to him, and I was okay with that. I strode to the driver’s side of his truck and took a deep breath before speaking.

  “You gonna sit in there all night?”

  He seemed startled by my presence, I guess he really didn’t see me coming. “I’m sorry?”

  I smiled and repeated my question before adding, “Do you want some company?”

  “Oh, yeah, sorry. I was just getting ready to head out.”

  My ego was deflated. All of that prep and determination to finally talk to him went up in smoke. I nodded and turned my back to rejoin the party when he continued. “Want a ride?”

  I turned back to face him and he was wearing a playful grin as I heard the door click to unlock. I tried to act unaffected as I shrugged my shoulders, “Okay.”

  Disappointment hit when I remembered that I was the one responsible for Joss that night, but I still wanted to go with him. I sent her a quick text to let her know I was leaving.

  Me: Hey. I’m going somewhere with Ryan. Eek! Ok?

  Joss: Np. Call if you need anything.

  Me: You ok to get home?

  Joss: I’ll call a cab if I need a ride.

  I tucked my phone in my back pocket and started to walk around his Jeep, taking my time. He was opening his door when I looked over at him and must have had a confused look on my face. He shrugged. “Thought I’d open the door for ya.” I was taken aback, not even my previous boyfriend that I dated for six months ever opened a door for me. I wasn’t looking for chivalry, but he was offering, so I smiled in appreciation.

  As I followed behind him, I took the opportunity to look him over. He towered over my small frame; I assumed he was easily six feet tall. He was wearing worn out jeans that were ripped at the bottom--just like mine, and a frat t-shirt, but I didn’t know which one. I liked the casual appearance he pulled off, which was of the I don’t give a fuck variety. When he opened the door, as I walked around him, I could smell his cologne that smelled of musk and mint, and when mixed with the night air, was perfect.

  I suddenly realized that we had never actually met, even though it was apparent that we had some mutual friends. I couldn’t help but wonder how many times we had both been to one of these things and had never bumped into each other before. “Emogen,” I said as I stuck my hand out in greeting.

  “Ryan,” he returned, his hand swallowing mine. It was strong and warm and caused tingles in the pit of my stomach.

  “Yeah.” I nodded as I climbed in to the passenger seat. “I remember from your note.” I smiled.

  He looked at me bemused before it clicked. “You never called me.”

  “I lost your number.”

  He smiled and closed the door. When he got into the driver’s seat he raised his brows in question. “Where to?”

  “I don’t have anywhere to be,” I started, when I realized he might have other plans. “Unless you just wanted to be alone.”

  “Nah, I’ve been alone long enough. You hungry?”

  “I could eat,” I offered.

  “Don’t tell me you’re one of those girls who doesn’t really eat anything but salads,” he teased, squinting his eyes as if judging me.

  I pursed my lips and pretended to think for a moment. “No, it costs a little more to feed me. I’m a burgers and steak kind of girl.”

  “Great! Buckle up,” he ordered as he started the engine. He looked over at me. “I know the perfect place.”

  The drive to the Shack was short, so it was easy to find things to
talk about. “So what frat are you in?”

  “What fra-?” He looked down at his shirt and threw his head back with a light laugh. “This isn’t mine. It’s hard to find clean clothes when you live with two other guys, so I grabbed the first shirt in the laundry room that smelled clean.” I let out a relieved sigh and he jumped on that. “What was that? You don’t have a problem with frat guys do you?”

  “Not really.” I covered my face with my hands, embarrassed that he caught me. “I just tend to think most of them are assy.”

  He turned a curious look at me and gave the most breathtaking grin. “Assy, huh?”

  “Yeah, at least according to my friends.”

  He didn’t push any further because we finally arrived at the hamburger joint. I had never been there before, and I could see why. It was a tiny hole-in-the-wall that looked pretty sketchy, but it was packed, so I figured it must be okay. Ryan came around to the passenger side to open the door for me again. He must have seen the look on my face because he leaned down and whispered in my ear, “Try it before you make any assumptions.” His breath against my ear caused the hair on my arms to rise, and I knew then that I was putty in his hands.

  He closed the door behind me when I climbed out and placed his hand on the small of my back, guiding me to the front door. The action wasn’t territorial, or even sexual in nature, but it was strong and comforting. He held the door open and the rustic interior was only overshadowed by the scary exterior. We found a table in the back and sat down across from each other. Ryan handed me a menu, and we sat in comfortable silence as we decided what to order. I had never felt so at ease with a guy before, but he felt familiar, even though we had just met.

  We placed our orders and started talking about the obligatory ‘what’s your major, where are you from’ questions. From that short conversation I learned that Ryan was in his first year of grad school and was originally from the East Coast, where his family still lived. I was barely twenty, and there he was, almost twenty-three with an undergrad degree and working on his master’s. Needless to say, the guy was even better once I got to know him. He was easy to talk to, until he wasn’t.

  “So I guess, since you’re here with me, you’re not seeing anyone.” It wasn’t a question, more of an observation that made him appear a bit too cocky for my liking.

  “Seeing multiple someones,” I lied. He nodded, impressed with my response. “And what about you?” I continued, “I could assume the same.”

  “Just ended something a few weeks ago.” He shrugged. I could tell that whoever it was, and however it had ended, hurt him, or at least kept him from being open to something else.

  “Sorry to hear that.” I don’t know where my next words came from, but I think they shocked him as much as they did me. “Well, sorry for you, but kinda happy for me.”

  A burst of laughter erupted and he shook his head in disbelief. “You’re a little surprising, Em.”

  I returned his smile, loving that he just gave me a nickname. Granted, it wasn’t anything I hadn’t been called before, but Ryan calling me Em felt right.

  The rest of the night flowed and was relaxed, filled with easy conversation and witty banter. I didn’t ask about his ex because I really didn’t care. All that mattered to me was that he was smart, single, funny and very sexy. We talked for what seemed hours about everything and yet, I still wanted to know more. But when a yawn escaped me, he paid our tab and we walked back out to his Jeep where he opened the car door.

  Right before shutting the door, he furrowed his brow like he was gauging his next sentence, and cocked his head to the side. Finally, he flashed a crooked grin. “I’d like to take you out again sometime.”

  I was doing a happy dance inside, bells and whistles were going off in my head, but I kept my composure and played it cool. After all, I was the one who approached him with confidence earlier. I returned his smile with my own coy version. “We’ll see.”

  I was surprised when we drove back out to the place where our friends were still hanging out. We both got out of his Jeep and met at the front, standing there with his headlights shining on the bonfire in the middle of the field. There was music blaring from someone’s radio as laughter filled the air, and it felt like anything was possible. Ryan reached his hand out for mine, and of course I gave it to him. He pulled me close and started two stepping to whatever song was playing, and I followed, happy to be in his arms. I didn’t care that I might look like a lovesick girl with my arm draped over his shoulder, his hand around my waist and his other hand holding mine close to his heart. It was perfection. I closed my eyes and did everything I could to seal the moment in my memory. I knew then that the real Ryan was so much better than the Ryan I created in my head weeks ago.

  After that night, we were inseparable. We were together every night, either to study or to go out on a date. I fell hard and fast for Ryan Tate, but he owned my heart the moment he called me Em.

  CHAPTER 3

  I’ve never understood how people can go through so much crap in their personal lives, but check it all at the door when it comes to work. I understand it now, because that’s what I’ve had to do since our fight last night, and I’m not sure how much longer I can keep up appearances.

  “Cam,” I call over to her desk. “I’m meeting Joss later for dinner. You up for it?”

  “Any word from Ryan,” she asks, but I shrug as if I don’t care. “Have you called him?”

  As if on cue, my phone rings next to me, and without looking, I know it’s him. I can tell by the ringtone that I made just for him from our song. I flip the phone to silent, intent on ignoring the call. I feel my cheeks flame when I look up to see Cam looking at me with raised eyebrows because she heard it too. She shakes her head, silently reprimanding me, as she looks down at whatever she was working on before I interrupted her. I do feel guilty for not answering, but I’ve already brought enough drama from home with me. I refuse to leave today in tears.

  Elle, the owner of Elle E. Grant Events, is a great boss, and I’ve been able to make a name for myself rather fast under her instruction. If I start letting personal crap invade my work, I’m just asking for problems. Between Elle and Cam, this place is my dream job, hence why I’m so intent on staying for a while.

  Cam’s been here for about a year, and she was tasked with showing me around the office and filling me in on client protocol when I started work here six months ago. Before I got this job, I had never worked in an office setting, and I figured it was going to be cutthroat, but it’s not. I’m so glad I have Cam, except when she gives me that look.

  “I’ll call him in a little while,” I say somewhat defensively as I silence the phone and shove it in my drawer. “I promise.”

  She doesn’t say anything, but her silence speaks volumes. I get back to working on the T.M. Enterprise event so I don’t have to feel guilty. I’ve done a ton of research on what this corporation does, as well as what their past events have been like. The last few nights, work has come home with me while I sit at my computer to find out more. This is the first client that Elle has let me take on alone. It’s not her biggest client, but like she says, ‘there are no small clients.’ Unfortunately, for the last few days, my point of contact has been a little hard to get a hold of, and I’ve decided that I might just have to go to the owner. It’s not something that Elle encourages, but when there is a job to do, and deadlines that need to be met, you do what you have to do.

  I hit print on some forms that I need and I’m about to ask Cam for the owner’s contact information, but when I swivel in my chair, she is standing right next to me with a sympathetic look. “I’m not trying to give you a hard time about Ryan. It’s none of my business.”

  “It’s fine.” I give her a fleeting smile. “I appreciate your concern.”

  I’m not the hugging type, so as I push myself out of my chair to go to get my copies from the printer, I’m surprised when she throws her arms around my neck.

  I don’t want to cry,
but this small gesture causes me to choke back a sob.

  “It’s gonna be okay,” she whispers so no one can hear. I nod in agreement, and the tears sting my eyes. I exhale a controlled breath, hoping that the tears dissipate before anyone notices.

  “See?” I swipe my eyes with the tips of my fingers to dispel any evidence of emotion. “This is why I need to go out.”

  “I can’t go tonight, but promise me that you’ll call if you need anything?”

  “I promise.” I put my hand up to swear. Desperate to divert the attention off of me, I get back to the matter at hand. “Before I leave, I need to get the contact info for Mr. Miller at T.M. Enterprises. Do you happen to have that? Sandy isn’t returning my calls or emails, and there are some decisions that need to be made soon.”

  Cam goes to her desk and pulls up the information. “His name is Trey Miller; I’m emailing his contact information to you now.” I give her my best smile and get back to finishing up my day.

  My desk is in order, and I’ve gotten everything together that I need to take home. I’ll have to work from home this weekend, because there is so much that still needs to be done. I’m not sure what I’ll get done, but hopefully I can at least send an email to Mr. Miller before I go out with Joss tonight. I stop by Cam’s desk one last time to see if she can join us, but she says she has plans, so I let it go. I don’t think she has plans, but at the same time, I think she would rather be alone than be anywhere near me and my crazy.

  The entire drive home I think about what I want to say to Ryan, but I can’t formulate a single coherent thought. All along it’s been me who has taken the steps to keep us together, and I’m tired of it. I want to scream and yell, I want to cry and hit something. But all of the rational parts of me remind me that there is only one way to handle this. Take a stand. I start to give myself a pep talk that I’m not going to be pushed around and what I might say once I see him. When I get to our apartment parking space, I notice that Ryan isn’t home, and I breathe a sigh of relief. Our fight will wait until later.